CAIRO: In a world trend that finds mothers wrestling between staying home versus working and where the challenges women face in juggling the roles of the homemaker and the bread-earner has become a social movement, one perplexing question remains: Where have all the fathers gone?
Quoting a question put forth by Nancy Gibbs in a Times Magazine article entitled “Bring on the Daddy Wars, is it really possible that a topic that preoccupies every mom is of little interest to the dads?
The common perception is that men are too busy earning the money to put food on the table to take time out to play with a little play-do or dress up a Barbie doll.
Yet, while there are lots of men who don’t feel the need to spend time with their kids, who believe it’s a woman’s job to entertain, educate and raise their children, there is a great number of men who do not fall under this category. In fact, unlike some of the older-generations of fathers and grandfathers who grew up instilled with a rigid notion that career men don’t have time to fraternize with their children, we are currently witnessing the birth of a whole generation of younger fathers who actively take part of their children’s growth, considering it a priority. These men “dig playtime with the kids.
“When my wife got pregnant, I didn’t have a reaction towards it. I never thought about how I would feel, says Karim Mohamed, a 27 year-old father. “As a child I did not remember spending too much time with my father. He was there for me, sure. We are even close. But I think it came at a later stage, when I was older. I thought I’d be the same with my son, but I’m crazy about him. I’ve become one of those goofy parents who always takes pictures of his kids and thinks drool is cool, he says.
Mohamed is one of a young generation of fathers who thinks it’s important to spend quality time with his children, even if it is at the cost of his career.
“Of course succeeding professionally, going up the ladder, is very important to me. Not just for my own gratification, but for my family’s too, says Khaled El Din. “But, if a certain position means I’m traveling all the time, stressed all the time, missing every big moment in my child’s life, then it isn’t worth it. Unless we’re talking about a [salary] figure with a long line of zeros, he adds.
Men, who prioritize their children over their jobs, walk a thin line between compromising their careers or their family life every day. For them, it’s a continuous struggle, not just in terms of time limitations, but also because society, for all its ranting and ravings about workplace gender equality, doesn’t give men their due.
Paternity leave is one giant example. While few companies give a few days off to their male employees (as an unofficial maternity leave), labor law doesn’t include paternity leave in its fine print. Maternity leave, however, in which a pregnant woman gets up to three months of paid leave either before or after her due date, is strictly enforced by the law.
“Why would a man even want that? says Omar Ismaiel, an unmarried executive in an investment firm. “I mean, what kind of man asks for a leave so he can help his wife to change diapers and just do nothing for three months? It’s kind of wimpy in my opinion, he added.
But the likes of Mohamed and El Din don’t see anything ‘wimpy’ about it. “I don’t know that I’d take a three-months leave, but a few weeks would have been nice, says Mohamed. “I guess you can’t appreciate that kind of thing until you have your own children, he adds.
The law is not the only thing against the men’s balancing act. Women also have a few choice words on the idea of paternity leave. “I don’t know that I would want my husband to sit around for three months and not work, says Ingy Mahmoud, a first-time mother who gave birth a few months ago. “To tell you the truth, it would make me nervous to have him around, watching me handle and take care of the baby. And I enjoy it, she adds.
“It’s not natural, no. I see the mother as needed most. A woman can handle it better, in my opinion, says Hala Halawa, also a first-time mother. Halawa also admits that it would be embarrassing for men to ask for paternity leave in this local culture.
“How serious would my husband look in terms of his career if he went up to his boss and asked him for a paternity leave? Halawa adds, “It just doesn’t work.
Arab culture certainly has a lot to do with it. Unlike the West, men in the Middle East and the Gulf regions aren’t necessarily expected to help clean the dishes, cook once in a while, or even take part in trivial decisions in their child’s life such as sleepovers. Instead, an Arab man’s role in his children’s lives is limited to serious decisions such as education, money and career issues.
In many countries in the West, culture dictates that men take as much responsibility for their children as women do in the workplace, which is still arguably unequal, but more balanced than in Arab countries.
Sweden, for example, allows either the father or the mother to take the full paternity leaves. Most companies in the United States, both private and public, offer paternity leave, although the time span differs depending on the company, the state and the law.
In Egypt, the issue still lags. “We already have companies turning women of a certain age and marriage status away because they do not want to invest time and money on these women who will go off and have babies and take their maternity leave, says a manager of a public relations firm. “How do you expect us to accept and acknowledge men’s parental role and paternity leave when we are still dealing with the basics of employment equality? the manager adds.
