The call came on my private line, which is only known to a handful of world leaders whom I trust to call at a decent hour and keep it short. It was 2 a.m. and I couldn’t think why on earth Kofi Annan was calling. “Sorry to be calling at such a late hour, but we really need your help. Great, Kofi hasn’t called me since Rwanda. He’s sent Julian Marceau to attend my wedding instead of showing up himself. And he hasn’t given Uri the contract he needed in Karkuk although I mentioned it more than once. I was about to hang up, but his next words intrigued me. “Mr. President, he said, “I know you have significant leverage on Hezbollah, so I was wondering …
Apparently, I was still on Kofi’s speed dial, up there with all those presidents who have leverage on Hezbollah. But for having pushed the wrong button, I decided to tease him a bit. “Cut to the chase Kofi, what is it you want?
“I am sure, Mr. President, you’re aware of the tragic situation developing in Lebanon. My friends in Washington thought perhaps you’d be kind enough to talk to Hezbollah and …
“Tell them to release the two soldiers, pull out from the south and let an international force deploy there. I interrupted him. “That’s why you’re calling me at this ungodly hour.
“Your efforts would be greatly appreciated, Mr. President. Kofi kept his cool, obviously thinking he was talking to the Syrian president. If only it was his own initiative. But the day before, in a G-8 summit in Russia, George Bush was overheard talking to Tony Blair over tea and cookies. “See the irony is that what they (the UN) need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this (expletive) and it’s over, Bush said.
I found the whole thing annoying. First of all, Bush should’ve made the call himself. Secondly, I can’t be disturbed each time half a country is blown to smithereens. Everyone knows that and most world leaders respect it. Besides, even if I were the Syrian president, why would I pull Hezbollah out of Lebanon’s south when Israel is stuck like chewing gum into my Golan Heights? I thought of hanging up, but at this point Kofi may have taken that as a short-tempered rebuff by the Syrians. Things were quite delicate at the moment. Only a few days ago, the Israelis sent their planes strafing the presidential palace in Latakia. Thankfully I wasn’t there, nor was President Bashar. But come to think of it, you don’t go strafing people’s homes in the morning and then wake them up in the middle of the night and expect them to help.
“Let me get this straight, Kofi. I am a man who’s a menace to the international community, who harbors dangerous people and is suspected of involvement in political assassinations in Lebanon, and you still want me to help you. Now tell me please, what’s in it for me?
“Hmmm . I am sure the international community would be grateful for a timely intervention. This crisis, as you know, has a chance of spilling over the borders. We don’t want that to happen, do we? I couldn’t believe my ears. That was a veiled threat if ever there was one. Kofi would’ve never spoken to me this way. But then again, he was mistaking me for someone else. “Do I get the Golan back? I couldn’t help it. “Do I get the Golan back? I shouted this time.
“We cannot make this connection at the moment, I am afraid, Mr. President. We have an urgent situation at hand and time is really at a premium. the secretary general was enunciating every syllable clearly, a habit he developed during the Kuwait war. He wanted something, and he wanted it badly.
It was always this way with Kofi. It was always about what he wants, what he thinks, what he needs, but what about me? What about my needs? I was tempted to state, just for the hell of it, that Syria and Lebanon are one country and we’re sticking together through thin and thick until our full land is liberated, but it wasn’t really my business. “Listen to me, Mr Secretary General. This whole conversation was a mistake. You’re talking to the wrong person. There is nothing I can do for you.
“Is this your final answer? I sensed disappointment in his voice. “Sorry, I really have nothing further to say. You’ve called the wrong number.
The next morning, this last sentence started to bother me. It was just a statement of fact, but then again it could be interpreted it as a Syrian rejection. Now I am not sure what to do about that. The safest thing, I guess, would be to call Kofi back and explain the whole thing out. But then again why should I? I mean the guy hasn’t even given Yuri the contract in Karkuk for God’s sake.
