A long time ago in a land far, far away an ambitious young boy, roamed the streets of Cairo in search for purpose and a higher meaning in life.
He weighed his options: What profession requires minimal intelligence, but will still help him fulfill his potential of becoming Egypt s new savior? The young boy determined to become a TV presenter.
In a relatively short period, Tarek Allam became Egypt s male version of Oprah with his quiz show Kalam Min Dahab (Words of Gold).
But the small TV screen was too small for his big dreams. He finally found the vehicle for immortality in film. Alas his first encounter with the dark forces resulted in a military flop El Kafeer The forces couldn t conceal his absolute lack of talent, and his next film Al Agenda Al Hamra (The Red Agenda) sank without trace.
Since then, Allam s popularity steadily declined and his subsequent do-gooder TV shows were no more that failed endeavors to capture past glories.
For no logical reason, a Jordanian production company decided to produce Allam s message-laden new film as he described it. Everyone expected Mohema Saaba (Hard Mission) to be bad as usual. The only question they had was how bad would it be?
Well, rest assured ladies and gentlemen, Mohema sets a brand new standard of dreadfulness and bad taste.
The movie is about an ex-boxer (Allam) who saves a young nurse (Donia) from attempted rape, but ends up killing the perpetrators by accident. He is sentenced to a year in prison, during which time his mother dies, the nurse starts to look after his nephew and a shady convict (Magdy Kamel) befriends him.
A year passes up, Allam is released, gets engaged to the nurse and works as a bodyguard for a night club owner called Lolo Bey (Haggag Abdel Azeem, with long hair extensions).
Allam s dashing young lawyer (Amr Mahdy) is engaged to a hot scientist played by seductress Ola Ghanem. She finds out that some of her colleagues are involved in importing fertilizers that causes cancer and heroically fights to expose the criminals.
Naturally she crosses paths with Allam, but if I say any more it would spoil the film for those who are willing to defy reason and actually watch it.
Allam s acting is characterized by the cyborg syndrome. It s very clear that he simply can t act; his face is always rigid, he never gets a single emotional tone right, his voice is monotonous; he is always overreacting; and, to top it off, he tries to impersonate Hollywood’s cool heroes with his black leather trench coat, dark shades and an odd-looking goatee.
Watching Allam is like watching a cyborg trying to behave, and talk like a human and miserably failing.
The film acting is as bad as everyone expected it to be but perhaps the little important details that make it the laugh-fest it truly is: Ghanem, for instance, is in high heels throughout and it makes you wonders how the hell she manages to outrun the bad guys; and Mahdy s character is supposed to be a respected lawyer who is too young for anyone to believe that a man like him exists in Egypt.
Director Ihab Lamei, the ‘genius’ who enthralled us with A Girl from Israel. With his new film, Lamei accomplishes a rare feat for any filmmaker, that is, following an impeccably bad film by another one that s even worse.
Failing to parrot John Woo’s style with slow-motion scenes filling at least one third of the movie, the film looks ugly, especially the way Lamei frames his scenes in a way that rarely matches other visual, and emotional, elements. His dialogue is crass, unbelievably cheesy with lines that, believe it or not, rhyme.
The so-called moral Allam and his cohorts are claiming to send out is no different from the hundreds of other Egyptian films about government corruption.
But seriously, were they actually convinced, for a second, that anyone would buy that crap? The message is so blunt, tired, old and direct in a way that transcends preaching and reaches a level that will appeal perhaps to unknowing teenagers.
Mohema Saaba s production company is donating LE 1 of the price of each ticket sold to cancer patients.
Here s my advice: donate this pound directly to the patients, avoid watching the film and send a letter to Allam asking him to quit acting and go back to the small screen.for good.
