Blair’s breakfast in bed!
When I met Tony Blair on his first visit to Cairo a few months after he became Prime Minister, he paused when I asked him: “As Prime Minister of Great Britain, what do you miss the most?
He thought about it for a while, his famous smile slowly fading away, and then answered: “I miss my whole life. I used to play football with my son Nicky and play music. But now, I have no life outside the heavy burden of my duties as Prime Minister, which consumes my entire day.
Our appointment was over breakfast.
“Breakfast is the most private of all meals, Blair went on, “To the extent that some people even have breakfast in bed. But here I am, as you can see. Even my breakfast is work. How do you like that?
“I like the breakfast, I replied, “Yet I do understand your situation.
As much as I pitied Blair at the time, as much as I was elated to learn a few days ago of his appointment as the Special Middle East Envoy for the Quartet (comprising the US, Russia, the European Union and the United Nations).
I wasn’t just happy because it meant he will no longer be the Prime Minister, who diligently followed the lead of US President George W. Bush, especially in the Iraq war, but also because this meant he will finally have his life back.
You see, the Quartet can do nothing in the Middle East anymore, and hence, neither will its envoy. So it’s safe to say that Blair will have plenty of time to play football with his son Nicky, and even more time to strum the strings of his guitar when the son gets tired of playing ball with his daddy.
I’m not quite sure where Tony Blair will now reside with his wife Cherie and the kids, now that they’ll be leaving 10 Downing St. But I certainly hope he doesn’t have any close neighbors – they may find it disturbing to put up with the tunes of the electric guitar (which he adores) considering that he’ll be spending the vast majority of his awaking hours playing it.
To all this Blair is not only indebted to Bush, who did his utmost to ensure that his obedient friend lands this great honorary post – one that will certainly pose no obstacles to having breakfast in bed – but he is further indebted to Israel, which has succeeded in the past few years to kill the Quartet’s mission and make sure it’s buried.
And now, Blair is also indebted to the Palestinians themselves, who have succeeded with flying colors over the past few weeks, more than any other time in history, to end all possibilities of reaching a final peace settlement, with or without the help of the Quartet. The Quartet, as we all know, was created in the wake of the infamous Road Map – the one that would supposedly put an end to the Arab-Israeli conflict.
When it was first proposed, then Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was vehemently opposed to the Road Map. And it’s clear he had managed to convince the US of his stance, leaving the remaining three parties singing the praises of the agreement, and how absolutely necessary it was – albeit to no avail.
To this day the Israeli position has remained intact and, thus the miserable Quartet has been powerless for years to make as little as one inch of progress towards a settlement.
As for the Palestinians, it seems they’ve finally decided to unburden the Israelis of the difficult and laborious task of killing Palestinians, to which, of course, the Israelis unwillingly resorted time and again. Yet the Palestinian population kept doubling, all in spite of the organized killing of anyone remotely related to the Palestinian people and also despite the continued assassination of their political leaders, and breaking the bones of the stone-throwing children.
Now the Palestinians have volunteered for the mission on behalf of the Israelis. They’ll continue killing each other until Gaza is completely evacuated, after which they will turn to the West bank to finish off all those left over there.
With that, Israel can sleep at night – finally Palestine will be wiped off both the political and geographic maps! No more worrying about their annoying demands, like the right of return or an end to Israel’s military occupation of Palestinian territories and all the rest of that boring list that doesn’t change one iota from year to year.
As he waits for the mission to be accomplished, Tony Blair won’t only have time to enjoy playing football with his son Nicky and get reacquainted with his dear guitar at all times of the day and night, he will also surely indulge in many a breakfast in bed.
Mohamed Salmawyis President of the Writer’s Union of Egypt and editor-in-chief of Al-Ahram Hebdo. This article is syndicated in the Arabic press
