Have you ever wondered, “What the hell is that person thinking? Or agonized over whether someone is attracted to you? Or couldn’t tell if someone is lying or not?
We all have: It is part of the human condition to temper, alter, and even conceal thoughts and emotions in order to fit in. Everybody, to some degree, is hiding something, whether they mean to or not.
But our bodies give us away. Through our body language, our eye movement, and the tones of our voices, our brains are being completely honest without us knowing a thing about it.
And there are people out there trained in the art of reading these telling signs. That is to say, there are people out there who can read you like a book.
So it was with some trepidation that I went to meet Mohamed Tarek, founder of Lucid Training, a Cairo- and Alex-based company that teaches people to read body language.
Body language reading is derived from neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), an approach to interpersonal communication that was developed by a number of psychotherapists in the 1970s. Today it is widely taught and used by certified practitioners such as Tarek to improve peoples’ confidence and communication skills.
Not only would Tarek be giving me insight into reading body language, he would be figuring me out all the while. It would be fair to say that I approached this interview in a state of acute self-consciousness.
Fortunately, Tarek is used to encountering such neurosis. Not long after meeting, his calm demeanor rubbed off on me, and soon enough I relaxed enough to forget that he was looking straight into my soul.
“This is called ‘building rapport,’ says Tarek. “Showing someone you are interested and that you are listening will put them at ease and make them want to engage.
According to studies, 93 percent of the impression a person gets from you comes from your body language (55 percent) and tone of voice (28 percent), with only 7 percent coming from what you actually say.
Eager to see Tarek figure some people out, I scan the café for guinea pigs.
We start with the waiter who takes our order: He was completely uninterested in engaging us, according to Tarek. His body wasn’t facing us for a start – often a telltale sign that someone is not interested in what you are saying -and eye contact was minimal, indicating that the interaction was of little significance.
Ok, so that one was easy. I ask him to work out what’s going on between a guy and a girl that have just sat down at a table across from us. They are sitting opposite one another, and to me they could be friends, relatives, lovers or whatever.
“They are in the early stage of the relationship, and it is a good one, Tarek says. “The distance between them is small, meaning they are comfortable with each other, and there is a lot of eye contact. You will notice they will continue to get closer.
It is in fact quite easy to know if someone is attracted to you or not, says Tarek. The other person will try to reduce the distance between you; s/he will increase eye contact; his or her tone of voice will become more hushed and they will laugh more often. If a girl plays with her hair this is a good sign; likewise if she touches her eyebrows.
An interesting one, which is also a good sign, is if the other person plays with their glasses – this is the ‘unconscious mind’ trying to improve the view. Essentially, and obviously, you are trying to get a better look at the other person.
The guy and the girl we were observing are now sitting beside each other.
“If someone is not interested in you, however, they may rub their nose, meaning they are ‘negatively evaluating’ what you are saying. Basically they don’t like what they are hearing or don’t believe it.
Negative evaluation can also tell when someone is lying. If someone is scratching or rubbing their nose a lot, quite possibly they are telling a lie, because they are negatively evaluating their own words (though this can also be the sign of someone who doubts himself).
Blinking frequently is another sign of dishonesty as the brain is trying to block what it is seeing – usually a person – to make it easier to complete the lie (thus the expression, “I can’t you believed you looked me in the eye and lied to me! ).
When lying, a person may also look up and to the left, which means they are accessing their Visual Constructs compartment, or the imagination – the same faculty that facilitates lying. You are after all telling something made up, or imagined. (Although most people look to the left, some – usually left-handed people – look to the right).
Many public figures are trained in how to lie. Tarek says that just from watching their speeches he knows that Tony Blair, Condoleeza Rice and Bill Clinton have all had such training. If George Bush has been trained, says Tarek, it doesn’t show, “he lies on television a lot, and he lies stupidly.
But even those who have the training screw up sometimes: “Bill Clinton, Tarek smiles, “scratched his nose when he said he didn’t sleep with Monica Lewinsky.
A person’s posture can also say a lot about their mood, and even their personality. Someone with their arms folded and their fists clenched is probably feeling uncomfortable and a bit defensive. Someone leaning forward with their hands together is probably interested.
But even slight changes can mean completely different things. Sitting with legs crossed usually indicates confidence, but when that is combined with the individual leaning back with their head resting on their hands it is more a sign of over-confidence, and thus insecurity.
“And often those who appear the most confident are in fact the ones who feel the lowest inside, Tarek says.
According to Tarek, discomfort with eye contact is quite common; but there are ways to get around it. As long as you look anywhere within the “positive eye contact triangle, which has its tip at the gap between the eyebrows and extends down to just below the cheekbones, it will seem to the other person like you are making eye contact. If you are looking at the bridge of someone’s nose for instance, they will think you are looking in their eyes.
The voice is another major factor in a person’s overall image. Someone who speaks quickly could be nervous, or not entirely confident in what they are saying. The same could be said if the voice is trembling.
Someone who speaks in a low tone at a slow to medium pace on the other hand is more likely to be confident. Clearness and distinctiveness of speech are also signs that someone has conviction in what they are saying.
The people Tarek works with are generally those lacking in self-confidence. Lucid Training, through individual sessions, and regular public seminars, teaches techniques to appear more confident than you might actually be. This, according to Tarek, genuinely improves self-confidence because feedback from interaction with others will be more positive, leading the unconscious mind to accept a greater sense of confidence within the individual.
“We teach people to fake it until they make it, he says.
For more information go to www.lucidtraining.net or check out the Lucid Training group on Facebook.
