In less than three days, the people of the United States will begin the process that identifies the person who will take on, arguably, the most important job in the world.
I refer, of course, to the open auditions for American Idol.
No, I’m joking. I’m actually referring to the American presidency, though they’re not as far apart as you think. After all, one’s a media circus that rewards looks, popularity and exposure over talent, as well as a voting process of questionable integrity. While the other is a surprisingly good show on TV with a mean judge who always tells the truth.
Regardless of how we got here, the point is we are here and the outcome of this race is one that’s likely to change the world. After all, it’s been remarked with resigned flippancy, that when America sneezes, the rest of the world catches cold.
All the indicators are that you, Barack Obama will be the next US president: After all, you’ve said all the right things, in that authoritative baritone of yours, successfully positioned yourself as the candidate of change (which, after eight years, of George Bush’s comedy routine, doesn’t take a genius) and you’ve dropped more cash on advertising than a soda company during a World Cup summer (it’s soccer, you wouldn’t understand). Winning looks like the easy part.
Now I’ve always believed in having low expectations; after all, the only thing people will never disappoint you in, is disappointing you. But thanks to you, the Obama brand has attained its cult-like status from promising the opposite. Now, all that remains to be seen is whether you do what it says on the tin: CHANGE THE WORLD.
I’ve compiled a list of five things you need to address right away, if you want to restore my faith in humanity. And since I’m in advertising, I can tell you it’s pretty much what people in this part of the world want as well. Here goes:
Shut down Guantanamo immediately and prove that US Constitutional law is worth more than the paper it’s printed on. I understand why Guantanamo happened. People were so scared after 9/11, it seemed like a good idea to operate outside the law in order to protect the US from another attack. But the core brand value of the United States (or so it’s never tired of telling us) is that the law of the land is above everyone and everything. Shame then, that this small-but-powerful idea collapsed so spectacularly at the most basic of hurdles: fear. Everyone knows fear is a challenge in life, regardless of whether or not a plane crashes in a building. But the measure of a person (never mind a nation) has always been overcoming that fear and not betraying your principles.
End this shame the day after you get elected.
Put an end to unilateral military action, starting with a full withdrawal from Iraq. There’s no such thing as a good bully. If you’re going to act on your own, mainly because you can, ignoring international law (and good sense) and accepting the death of thousands of innocents as collateral damage, you can’t argue your intentions were good. I’m giving you two years for this one.
It’s not the economy, stupid..it’s the greed and inequity. To greed, said Seneca, all nature is insufficient. The American Dream is mostly about doing as well as you can..but there’s a collective responsibility in that, not just an individual one. Greed is part of human nature, so the system needs to be ready to combat it at all levels of commerce: Lobbyists have to be separated from government for good, and campaign contributions from industries have to be centralized and heavily regulated. Finally, you can’t have free trade in the US and then complain when the rest of the world asks for it too.
Alternative energy sources. I couldn’t give two figs about the environment (and not necessarily organic ones, either) and I don’t know enough about science to know if global warming is real. But I do know that resources are finite and pollution happens, something that the oil industry couldn’t be more guilty of being. It’s time to put a leash on Big Oil and create real incentives for alternative energy that’s cheaper, cleaner and not as agenda-drivingly monopolistic as it is now.
Intellectual property and global aid. The question of who owns what, especially in the Internet age, needs to be straightened out. The things that lie in the public domain (the law, language, free and equitable access to media, sometimes known as net neutrality) need to protected as such while proprietary elements (especially those of an abstract nature, such as music, film, books and others) need to be governed by a fair pricing scheme and a statute of limitations and restrictions on their ownership. Nobody owns anything completely or indefinitely.
As for Global Aid, world hunger can’t be an issue that skips daintily in and out of the fickle public interest. It’s important all the time. And the people who are hungry need to be given UN-sanctioned rights that extend above those of the oppressive governments that blight their lives. If these governments don’t cooperate, and knowingly endanger their own people, there need to be consequences. After all, if we wait for a disaster before we move, it’s not so much help anymore, as guilt.
Idealistic? Delusional? Audacious? You should have thought of that, Mr. Obama, before you wrote a memoir called “The Audacity of Hope. Now, I hope people hold you to it.
Signed, the (M)ad Man.
Mohammed Nassarwas kidnapped at birth and forced to work in advertising, in Cairo, New York and London. Today, his main concern is that archaeologists will one day stumble upon his desk, debate the value of his profession and judge him. Feel free to email him at [email protected].
