Confessions of a (M)ad Man: School is a syringe, not a serum

Mohammed Nassar
7 Min Read

Dad to his child, after the first day of school: Son, what did you learn today?

Son: Not enough, dad, I’ll have to go back tomorrow.

Does anyone actually learn anything in school?

I mean, aside from unintentional things, like bowing to authority figures (deserving or otherwise), waking up at ungodly hours and training your buttocks to cope with the never ending new varieties of bully-induced atomic wedgies.

No, to that last one? Just me then.

Let me try that again without the snark: school, in my view, is different from knowledge. School is a system that we’ve arrived at and settled for, because we deemed it the most efficient way of transmitting education (whatever that might be) to the largest number of unwashed masses (sorry, I know I said no snark, but I’m a recovering snarkaholic and every day is a battle). School is a syringe, not a serum.

The big problem with school is that it is predominantly theoretical whereas life is predominantly practical. Also, school is also a mass produced product, like supermarket bread, which means it’s never going to be as interesting or fresh or good for you as something that was produced especially for you. It’s a factory that’s responsible for a government-set curriculum aimed at producing a government-set quota of accredited individuals. What pupils learn to do (if we’re lucky) is information management, not appreciation or application.

“What isn’t mass-produced? I hear you squawk. Or, “I didn’t learn anything at school, and I turned out okay, is another. I can accept both those arguments, except for one thing: It’s not just the way schools are organized that I have a problem with, it’s what they actually teach you. Not only are school curriculum subject to the whims of government bureaucrats, ruthlessly indifferent politicians, populist prejudice and nationalistic fantasies, they also willfully ignore topics of inestimable importance.

Why isn’t basic finance being taught in school? How banks work, how to open a bank account, balance a household budget, the basics of the economy. What about civics? Surely, kids should be taught how to register for election, their rights and duties as citizens, the importance of political debate and participation? And what about sex? Surely, a responsible, scientific approach to the reason we’re all here on this planet, is a better substitute than anything the kids will pick up on the playground anyway.

And that’s just the practical things they don’t learn. How about the intangible skills and general knowledge that separate the educated from the merely informed? I can name half a dozen, at least: the basics of debate, the art of negotiation, the importance of compromise, the power of principle, the need for pragmatism, the essence of critical thinking, the difference between faith and science and the imperativeness of activism.

I’ll stop at eight, otherwise you’ll think I’m showing off.

Another subject I don’t believe we spend nearly enough time on is that of conflict. I mean, the world is full of it, so wouldn’t it be best to give our kids a primer on why we’ve spent most of our time on this planet fighting each other, on every single level imaginable? From the battlefields of Sparta to the boardrooms of Wall Street, from the tribes of the Amazon to the shantytowns of El-Salvador. People have always disagreed with each other and, more often than not, those disagreements have had frightening consequences and repercussions. Why is conflict as a subject, either ignored by idealistic educators or framed as a righteous us-versus-them proclamation?

Failing to tackle issues of this importance, at that level of a young person’s development, in my view, isn’t just negligent and misleading, it’s laughably irresponsible. And while I recognize that a lot of outstanding teachers out there make every effort to introduce these concepts into their daily interaction with their class, I believe it should be implemented at a curricular level.

The fact that it’s not, is a major reason why a lot of people say that they never learnt anything until they left school and entered their chosen profession. Say what you will about advertising, it’s given me a great opportunity to observe a cross-section of the business and social world, and to get a glimpse into the motivations of people, as individuals and as a group. And you’d be amazed at the number of highly-educated, highly-motivated, fiercely confident leaders of the community and the business and political world who are lacking in these vital areas.

Of course, by criticizing others for lacking skills that I deem vital to one’s development and impact, I’m implying that I have all these qualities in abundance. I do possess some of them, as it happens, though never to the depth that would impress me or the range that would impress other people.

What I do have is a near-certainty that I haven’t been exposed to as much as I would have liked, at key moments in my life, or opened my mind to different schools of thought, from different people I’ve run into or read.

The reason? Well, I have my theories, but the one I keep coming back to is simple: I wasted far too much time and energy paying attention at school, and not enough to the world around me.

Mohammed Nassar was kidnapped at birth and forced to work in advertising, in Cairo, New York and London. Today, his main concern is that archaeologists will one day stumble upon his desk, debate the value of his profession and judge him. Feel free to email him at [email protected].

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