When I catch a friend complaining I immediately tell him what any life coach would say: “It’s not what’s happening to you but your reaction to what happens that truly matters”.
Of course this makes him even more irritated and immediately I become the last person he wants to see at that moment. So, I decided to change my approach.
After much study and research, I learned that there are two techniques to help you deal with irritations: The first one is to undo the condition that led to it and to shift your focus to something more meaningful that gives you pleasure.
If we take Cairo traffic as an example, we must all agree that it is generally a stressful and even harrowing experience. So unless you’re a top minister in the government, don’t jump to the conclusion that the abiding by the first technique you can actually create fluid traffic conditions. No one can undo Cairo traffic. What you can do, however, is whenever possible, to shift your driving schedule to a better time to avoid congestion. This is always an option.
But if that’s absolutely impossible, then on to Plan B.
Before I get into the second technique let me share a story with you. Several years ago, I used to live in Montreal, Canada. I worked downtown and lived in the suburbs. To avoid traffic jams, I had to leave home at 7:30 every morning. There was a traffic light on the corner of my street. One day, I looked at the driver in the car waiting next to mine and I saw an old lady talking to herself.
I thought: “Poor lady, she must have mental issues.” But throughout the following few months, I saw her again many times at the same light. She was always talking to herself. Then one day a few months later by a chance encounter, I discovered that she was studying Spanish. She used a Spanish CD and was following the instructions by repeating words and phrases. I was a little ashamed of myself.
She was using her time efficiently to learn a new language, while I was wasting my time, huffing and puffing and looking around judging people.
That was the day when I took the decision to make use of all that wasted time. I decided to revive a deep-seated interest in self-development and motivational subjects so I bought CDs and listened to them in the car. Listening to something I have passion for made me enjoy the ride.
That is what the second technique is all about. To turn your thoughts away from what irritates you, to what gives you pleasure. Your car radio can be broken or the speakers may not be working properly, but that doesn’t mean you have to be stuck with your anger towards traffic. On the contrary, you can shift your thoughts by repeating an affirmative statement about a personal goal. You can repeat phrases like “every day in every way I am feeling better and better” or “I am more confident about my decisions”. You can even start building future dreams.
To overcome the emotional drain and stress caused by traffic congestion, I recommend you think about it this way: We spend a few hours every day in the car doing nothing but complaining or talking on the phone. That time can be turned around and used in a much more meaningful way. We don’t need to be experts in time management to understand that the time spent in Cairo traffic is a time wasted if we don’t make use of it.
And if what I just said is nothing new to you, then why are you still complaining about traffic?
Karim El-Shakankiry is an internationally renowned life coach, motivator and public speaker. He is the founder of “yesUcan” organization for personal and corporate coaching based in Montreal, Canada. He is the first to introduce life coaching in the Middle East and is the president of the Arab Coaching Federation.
